3 Questions to Ask When You're Lost in Life
Hello, me? It's me. Where are you?
In the last four years, I have had HUNDREDS of impasses where I feel utterly lost.
Being a writer/creator/entrepreneur/whatever the fuck my job role is can be liberating.
And, the freedom of working for myself and creating my own life from scratch doesn’t come with socially constructed boundaries—there’s no roadmap for my life and I often feel like an architect without a blueprint.
Often times these impasses happen because I lose the vision of what I’m building. It’s as if I’ve imagined a skyscraper of my very own (purply pink acrylic exterior, bedazzled tip, walls made of chocolate, and rainbow slides pouring out the windows), and from this vision I make educated guesses about how to construct my tower.
When I forget what my imagined tower looks like—or worse, when I start to believe I can only make towers like the ones I see everyone else making—I lose myself.
To find myself (and my pretty tower) again, these are three questions I ask myself:
First and foremost, before engaging in ANY journaling activities, I always like to offer the below suggestions for making the most out of this experience.
These questions can bring up a LOT, so its important to treat this activity with care. Just like we warm up and wear appropriate gear for a physical workout, so to must we prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally for a psychological workout.
PREP:
>>Where: Find a comfortable place where you feel safe and cozy. Light a candle, play music that calms you, curl up with a blanket and your favorite bevie. I highly recommend putting your phone on do not disturb so you can really focus.
>>When: Do these prompts when you have time to sit with them and focus. I like first thing in the morning or at the end of the day.
>>What you need: Yourself, pen and paper (I’m a big fan of my inky pen) , these prompts, and your big ‘ol beautiful heart.
Ready? Let’s build some TOWERZ.
1. How Do I Want to FEEL?
Make a list of emotion words that represent how you want to feel in your life.
Don’t hold back, and notice any judgments or “buts” come up that tell you those feelings aren’t possible. This is a time to dream. It’s a journal—no one will read this but you (unless you live with someone who has horrible boundaries, in which case maybe it’s time for some boundaries work. yes I have a workbook for that too lol.)
>>Here’s my list:
at peace
content
trusting
open
brave
clear
focused
well
safe
secure
2. When are times in my life I’ve felt this way?
Take each emotion and think of one or two SPECIFIC examples of times you have felt this way in your life.
Quick Tip: If you can’t think of ANYTHING, first try going smaller.
For example, if I think “I’ve never felt peace,” I’ll challenge that thought with, “when have I felt a glimmer of peace?” This reduces the magnitude and invites us to also acknowledge that sometimes the emotions we seek aren’t going to be on a large, everlasting scale, but rather little moments accumulated over time.
If you STILL can’t think of an example, make something up! Ask yourself, “what is a scenario in which I could see myself feeling this emotion?”
>>Here are some examples of mine:
at peace:
when I was in Bali and there was a lot of spiritual emphasis and slower pace of life
when I am regularly practicing my tarot
content:
when my needs are met
when I’m sitting outside people watching
when I slow my pace of life
brave:
when I started writing about mental health online
when I wrote my memoir
clear:
when I’m sober
when I’m feeling my emotions instead of avoiding them
3. What is ONE way I can start to re-create the behaviors/actions/experiences that are tied to these emotional states?
Take a look at your answers for each emotion state, and reflect on these questions:
What clues can you draw from times you’ve felt those ways?
What themes emerge?
In what ways are some of those activities/relationships/behaviors missing from your life?
Based on what you have access to/control over, how can you re-incorporate or add those into your life?
>>For example, I clearly feel at peace when there is a spiritual component to my life. Whether it’s a direct correlation or a cumulative response to daily practice, faith brings me a sense of peace. So if I want to feel at peace, I can start with something in my power/that I have access to, which is drawing tarot cards again.
I would LOVE to hear your thoughts, questions, or what you came up with in the comments!
If you liked these prompts, I highly recommend my latest guided journal, Write to Heal.
I created Write to Heal last fall after a LONG period of feeling lost.
It’s a 30-day process of healing your past, making peace with your present, and courageously imagining a future. It’s also supportive if you’re looking to tell your story like I have, as it prompts you to think about how you can turn your lived experience into wisdom to pass on through art.
LEARN MORE ABOUT WRITE TO HEAL
It’s an absolute pleasure to share this world with you. Here’s to building towers :)
TONS of love,
Rachie
Your honesty is truly refreshing. It's so easy to get caught up in the comparison game and feel like everyone else has it all figured out, but your vulnerability reminds us that we're all just figuring it out as we go. And the imagery of your tower – "purply pink acrylic exterior, bedazzled tip, walls made of chocolate, and rainbow slides pouring out the windows" – it's absolutely delightful! It's a perfect reminder that our dreams don't have to fit into any mold, and we should never be afraid to embrace our unique, quirky visions.
Thank you for this! Oftentimes the response to "I feel lost" is "Well, what do you want to achieve?" But "How do I want to FEEL" is a way more insightful question...!