This might be my most chaotic newsletter ever

My laptop has 10% left and my charging port is full of sand so I have to post this before proof-reading and I pray I don't regret it.

Welcome to week seven, season two of The Messy Middle.

Hi pretty humans! Some BRIEF housekeeping before the mess-making (if you wanna scroll straight to the shitshow story of my ex-husband texting me some stupid shit I shan’t shtop you).

i really wanted a broom emoji for the housekeeping but when I searched “clean” this is all that came up 🏋🏼‍♀️ 🏋🏼‍♀️ 🏋🏼‍♀️ so that’s cool diet culture has already gotten the emojis too

SHMANOUNCEMENT 📢

Next week there will be NO Monday Messy because the government has deemed said Monday un holidae and since the government continues to not pay me for other Mondays I figure they won’t mind if I take this Monday off.

IN LIEU of next week’s Monday Messy I’ll be posting June Journaling Prompts which will be *ahem* fucking incredible or completely disastrous. Monthly journaling prompts are only available to paid subscribers (aka THE FULL MESS). SO, if you’re interested in becoming a paid subscriber and ruining changing your life, here’s a Memorial Day Dealio that the government granted me permission to offer you where you get 19% off your subscription.

Also I have been feeling old and 19x2 is 38, which I am not, so it’s a reminder I’m not old OR 38 and that 38 is not even old.

Get the Memorial Day Deal below 👇🏽 #19ForLife

🛑 If you are scrolling for the regular mess STOP STOP STOP!

HI! Hey! Ok wow here we are. The beginning. Or—shit where are we? Oh yeah, MONDAY MESSY. SEASON TWO. ACCEPTING PARTS OF SELF.

We started on April 3, so if you’re just joining us feel free to go back to week one and begin there! To access all the newsletters you’ll need to be a paid subscriber so if you in fact skipped all the housekeeping above like a normal person then I both commend you and request that you become a subscriber asap and take advantage of my 19% discount which, if you’d read the housekeeping above like a heathen you’d know.

Jesus Rachel get to the newsletter. So much procrastinating.

But can’t THIS be the newsletter? She asked herself. Can’t my delirious dramatic inner dialogue BE the story? Are my thoughts not the players, and MY BRAIN NOT THE STAGE?

I digress. This is serious stuff. Grrrr. Serious.

Last week I wrote about shifting my focus from what’s not working to what is working. SERIOUS.

This is a generally SERIOUS shift that happens in my life when I’ve found myself getting dangerously close to full blown depression. Read that newsletter below👇🏽

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This week, I am back to full existential dread and feeling like nothing is working. SERIOUSLY. Specifically, my ability to be a grown ass adult and handle my shit like someone who has been in therapy for more than half her life. Somehow a bottle of wine and drunk instagramming is still the program—thanks CBT, the worksheets are really helping!

In all SERIOUSNESS, I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. I feel like the more I know, the less I know, and the less I want to know. Like, the more I fuck around and find out, the less I want to find out but the more I fuck around. Make it make sense. HELP, I CANNOT GET OFF THE INTERNET AND MY BRAIN IS TURNING TO MUSH.

idk why this video is age restricted. but if you haven’t seen the fuck around and find out video, run don’t walk. iykyk.

What’s SERIOUSLY messin’ around in today’s newsletter:

1. CUT THE CRAP JUST LET GO DUD (wow I really forgot the “e” in “dude” and upon spellchecking which I rarely do cos fuck spelling my brain actually saw this and thought “that’s supposed to say dood.”) : Giving myself permission to STOP TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING, specifically in reference to my reaction to bullshit texts from Le Ex.

2. Today’s Tip: I’ll offer a SERIOUS tool that you can start to apply this week.

3. Rachel’s Recommendations: Podcasts, dance songs, and books that feel SERIOUSLY relevant to NOT BEING SO SERIOUS.

4. Journaling Prompts: Some questions I’m asking about how the fuck to let go.

OK I AM SO SORRY BUT THE REST OF THIS IS BEHIND A PAYWALL BECAUSE BILLS. IF YOU’RE A FREE SUBSCRIBER YOU CAN DO A FREE 7 DAY TRIAL OR THE 19% OFF DEAL AND IT WOULD BE SO COOL TO HAVE YOU HERE AND LIKE, TALK ABOUT LIFE AND NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK WE ARE DOING OK LOVE YOU EITHER WAY BYE

p.s. it’s $5 a month ✅