Back to basics, BIATCH

Losing myself in the mess and how I'm catching up (or slowing down)

my memoir, “where the river flows”

I announced the winners of my book giveaway on my instagram today! Make sure to check my stories to see if you won. If you didn’t win, I have a thank you gift for entering. Read the caption of this reel to redeem it <3

Welcome to week ten, season one of The Messy Middle.

This season is all about presence. For first three months of 2023, we are embarking on a journey together of embracing the present moment, slowing down, and finding focus.

We started in January, so if you’re just joining us feel free to go back to week one and begin there! To access all the newsletters you’ll need to be a paid subscriber. You can do a 7-day Free Trial below XX.

Last week we talked about sitting with painful emotions. I gave you some journaling prompts and talked about what is hard for me to sit with (grief, anger, loneliness).

This week, we’re talking about losing presence. About what happens when life takes over. When the to-dos are too long and it seems impossible to stay present because that means slowing down. And the voice that says, there’s no time for slow when it’s messy.

What’s messin’ around in today’s newsletter:

1. I’m fucking exhausted: Puppy training. Treatment. Work. Grad school. Emotions I hate. Dating. Literally how the fuck am I supposed to stay present when my body is five thousand miles in front of my brain. Or vice versa. I don’t even fucking know.

2. Today’s Tip: I’ll offer a practical tool that you can start to apply this week—I HOPE.

3. Rach’s Reccs: A few resources for you to explore in your own time this week or for the duration of the season to supplement your learning and growth.

4. Journaling Prompts: Some questions to *hopefully* bring us back to presence.

Dude I’m tired.

Milo is amazing. And mama is pooped.

a random photographer pulled us aside at the Sunday market to take some glam shots, my LITERAL HEART

This kid is giving me a run for my money—in the BEST possible way.

I love this little man and he’s teaching me a helluvalot about patience, responsibility, and managing my emotional world.

We’re in puppy school right now (THANK GOD), and while I don’t need Milo to be a perfect pup, I do want him to know I’m in charge. I want him to know how to behave with strangers. I want to trust that he’s not going to run into the street or eat something that could hurt him. Training, to me, is about teaching him what’s safe vs dangerous, supporting him in positive interactions with other animals and humans, and building dialogue between the two of us so we can communicate.

(Low key, it feels like my quasi-psychotic level of inner child knowledge is really paying off here).

Puppy school is also a place where I’m reminded to be patient. He’s a PUPPY, not an adult human. He doesn’t speak english, his brain is still developing, and he’s literally going through puberty. This little guy is not going to get everything right, and that’s ok. It doesn’t make me a bad mom, and it doesn’t make him a bad dog. Grace. Patience.