If The New Year Makes You Sad

You're not alone and there's a reason. (And it's not that you're a failure, ok?)

Photo by Marisol Benitez on Unsplash

I’ve spent a lot of years in therapy to avoid feeling like physical and emotional garbage this time of year. 

Despite my beliefs of being “above resolutions” and “stable enough to fight the NYE/winter anxiety spiral,” I am still human. And this time of year is hurting. Not as bad as others, not as possibly impossible to overcome, but painful.

So WHY? Why despite tons of tools and awareness do I still feel so low the first week of January?

Often times the new year puts us in a position to be thinking a lot about the past and alot about the future. 

We start fixating on how the previous year went: evaluating what we did or didn’t achieve, what went well or didn’t, who we met or lost. We reflect, and take notes. Good, bad, in, out. A checklist of sorts to determine a score on our existence within the boundaries of Jan 1 and Dec 31.

Or maybe, we spend time thinking about the future and what we hope for in the new year. Who we want to be or don’t. What we want to accomplish or try. Changes to make. Goals to set. We set bars and aim high and promise ourselves to meet them. We will be better.

The reality is, Jan 1st is no different than Dec 31st. And still, energetically, I feel the collective build up to this moment, and no matter how hard I might try to resist the “non significance” of the changing year, I feel it.

The fact of life is that we are constantly in transition.

Every single moment of life is a transition. From the moment we're born until the moment we die, we're transitioning. 

“Transitional times” as I like to call them are instances where our awareness of our constant in-change-ness is brought to the surface. Seasons changing, death, changing jobs, going back to school, breakups, the new year are all “transitional times.”

Our brains do a lot to help up with the anxiety of transition because transition means leaving the known and approaching the unknown: hello scary. 

To help us mitigate the anxiety of the unknown or depression of what’s past, our brains help us create routines and habits.

Reliable, every day sameness to create the illusion of changelessness. This is fine, it’s human, it’s safe-making. No shame in our brains doing what they do to keep us regulated.

And, when things outside of our control create harsh, unexpected reminders of our constant evolution, we need tools to navigate. We need ways to cope with change. We need ways to cope with loss. We need ways to cope with an uncertain future.

KNOWN transitional times like seasons changing and the new year are opportunities for us to safely practice being in transition.

This is why instead of fighting against New Year’s resolutions or minimizing my emotions when I get anxious or sad in seasons changing, I choose to honor the transition in ways that fit the changing current. 

I choose deep breathing and calling friends to navigate the fear of what’s in store ahead.

I journal and write down the experience of feeling sad around what is missing in my life.

I talk to my therapist about how to set healthy goals without burning out, because suddenly I realize how much time has past since making art or traveling or doing things I love.

So if you feel a LOT this week (or month), that’s your brain working.

That’s your brain getting slapped with a little “oh yeah, we can’t stop time, and we don’t know what tomorrow holds.”

My invitation is to navigate it. Not push it away. Not dismiss it. Not channel it into lofty and unrealistic resolutions. But move through it knowing this too, like every single moment in life, will pass.

Happy new year. Let’s move through.

XX
Rachel