Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's manifestation

Fine, I'll listen to what Joe Dispenza has to say

Feb 07, 2023

Disclaimer: I am taking new medication for my thyroid which is impacting my energy levels and giving me brain fog. Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors, or general incoherence as I am not 100% right now.

Welcome to week five, season one of The Messy Middle.

This season is all about presence. For three months, we are embarking on a journey together of embracing the present moment, slowing down, and finding focus.

We started in January, so if you’re just joining us feel free to go back to week one and begin there!

Last month I learned that by becoming radically present, I could no longer run from myself. I was stuck in an old cycle, and instead of finding a way out, I was remaining as unconscious (and un-present) to my life as possible.

After a couple really painful weeks and big life decisions, I’m slowly feeling a “turn.” As if the tornado I was running from has settled. As if I needed to stop and let the storm hit me so that it could eventually pass. As if in the surrender of being struck, I can now watch the storm move past me, and instead of my energy being poured into running, it’s time to direct that energy into picking up the pieces.

It turns out running from storms doesn’t change their course, and I can’t outrun storms.

I feel relief from no longer running.

Now what I’m charged with is the decision of what direction I’ll go. Which pieces I’ll take with me. And what I’ll leave behind.

A huge part of me is craving a career change. While I love writing, I don’t love entrepreneurship. I feel sucked dry often by the sales/marketing that goes into getting my work seen, and my cup is often empty because I don’t make a lot of money as a consequence. I’m just not a hustler, and I don’t desire to be one.

I’m also back in grad school finishing my masters, so a lot of my mental energy is going towards studying and writing academic papers. I could use a steady paycheck to help pay for grad school (and hopefully an apartment and dog food (omg did I mention, I’m getting a dog? Photos on instagram soon!))

I’m reminding myself I don’t need to have all the answers right now. That it’s ok to choose stability over work that lights me up for a little while. And I’m fortunate that my dad is letting me stay with him while I pick up the pieces. Gratitude is good now. Don’t run from this too, Rachel. It’s ok to let things be safe for a little while. Find thanks. Find thanks. This is ok.

While I weigh my options, check in with my soul, and continue to maintain equilibrium mentally and emotionally, I return to presence.

This month, though, the presence I’m seeking is located a little higher than before: last month I was heavily focused on presence in my body. Presence to environment. Present to time, the tangible, and the right-here-right-now. I think it’s time to move that presence up the body. Up the chakras. Up the energetic field and to a presence with consciousness, where I start to become an observer of my life. Where I become present to and aware of myself as not myself, my body as not my body, my thoughts not my thoughts. Where I can extend my non-attachment from outcomes to the physical world and practice presence from a state of faith, optimism, and hope:

Presence with the unknown.

What’s messin’ around in today’s newsletter:

Falling in Love With the Future: How loving your future more than your past breeds presence.
Today’s Tip: I’ll offer a practical tool that you can start to apply this week to help you practice being present.
Journaling Prompt: Some self-reflection and self-discovery to help you build some new emotional programming
Rach’s Reccs: A few resources for you to explore in your own time this week or for the duration of the season to supplement your learning and growth.

Fall in Love With The Future

I’ve been diligently trying to get back into a meditation practice after coming home.

Meditation doesn’t come easily to me. I am a big thinker, usually distracted, and focused on lists or to-dos. I have learned a LOT about the benefits of meditation over the years (I wrote an article about the science of meditation, brain waves, and morning affirmations here if you wanna geek out on science with me).

I listened to a Joe Dispenza podcast yesterday (linked in the recs at the end) that brought me back into that “aha!” feeling around meditation. (I don’t love the way he talks to audiences, so if you listen to the podcast too my invitation is to focus more on the content than his delivery.)

Something Joe said in the talk struck me with hope for my post-tornado pick-up party:

“If, instead, we feel the emotions of the future every day, we’ll feel connected to that future – and it will be easier to believe in it more.”

Attached to The Past

For a long time I had no vision of my future. All I could see was a blank slate. Nothingness. A lot of question marks and fear. Without a vision of the future, I had nothing to connect emotionally to, so instead I connected to what I did have visions of: the past.

I’ve now been living in the past for almost three years. Emotionally attached to what was. Seeking the feelings I desire in memories instead of new experiences. This created more suffering because I was trapped in a life that is no longer here. I became attached to loving the past.

When I’d think about what I love or long for, I’d think about what has already happened. I’d then feel sorrow or grief about that loss. Stuck in a cycle of thinking about the past, feeling the past, and living there. But I don’t live in the past. Nor do my thoughts, nor my feelings.

Joe talks about the connection between thought, feeling, and behavior. This triad is similar to the cognitive triangle in CBT shown below, though Joe has another take.

The CBT Triangle. Source: https://www.yourglowuptherapy.com/glowupblog/cognitive-triangle

So what comes first? Thought, feeling, or behavior?

This is debated in many theories of psychology. But most psychologists agree that regardless of what comes first, our thoughts inform our emotions which inform our behaviors. But the entry point can be anywhere: I can feel angry and it makes me think about my ex. I can walk into a grocery store and it makes me feel anxious. I can think about how unlovable I am and it makes me feel hopeless. These loops are like little automatic programs and we can get stuck in them (I do all the time).

I tend to focus on changing my thoughts or behaviors to change my emotions. Rarely do I use the approach of changing my feelings first. But this is what Joe is talking about: using a feeling about something that doesn’t exist yet, like the future, to actually make us change our thoughts and behaviors, and ultimately create that future.

This is why vision boards are effective. Call it manifestation if you want, but the reality is that visualizing something that feels good makes us want to think about that thing more. So if we visualize a future that feels good—even if we don’t know how to make it happen—we start to think more about that future. And where our attention goes, our energy goes. This drives behavior, emotions, choices, and change. Fall in love with your future, not your past.

When you’re rehearsing mentally, your brain doesn’t know the difference between if it is really happening or not.

Adlerian psychology presents a similar technique called Acting As If. The idea is to literally act the way someone who has what you desire might act. If what you want is a partner, act like you’re in love. If what you want is magical experiences, be in awe of every event throughout your day. If you want to make a lot of money, behave, think, and talk like someone wealthy (Positive Pyschology News).

If you’re doing inner child work, this is an incredible exercise to try. Think about it: Kids basically “act as if” all the time. They are masters of imagination. Dressing up, playing house, taking on characters, dreaming big: They live in a world of “as if.” Want to really tap into your inner child? Try Acting As If without any judgment or expectation of outcome for a whole day.

TitkTok scrollers out there—have you come across the Lucky Girl Syndrome yet? TikTokers claim repeating “Great things are always happening to me unexpectedly” or versions of “I’m the luckiest person in the world” makes lucky things happen to them. While psychologists are calling this a manifestation trend and caution viewers to maintain a rational mindset in daily life, this is an example of radically changing our thoughts in a quasi-experimental way to see what happens (VeryWellMind).

Joe takes this one step further. He claims if you’re waiting for an experience in order to feel what you want, you’re going to start fighting for it—but not in an effective way. In a very Rachel-esque-trying-to-control-and-micromanage-the-universe kind of way. He says most people wait for the experience to have the feeling: they wait for a partner to feel love. They wait for health to feel whole. They wait for a spiritual awakening to feel faith (M.E.G.A Podcast).

But what if we felt the emotion we sought before an external condition created it for us?

“Can I teach my body emotionally what my future is going to feel like before its made manifest?” -Dr. Joe Dispenza

Manifestation or Cognitive Restructuring?

These are concepts we readily hear about in the spiritual community when it comes to manifestation. Psychologists have many techniques for changing cognitive distortions or maladaptive thinking. Doctors and health professionals talk about the science behind our hormones and behaviors that regulate emotions. Regardless of what clicks for you, the loop is that our emotions affect our behaviors which affect our thoughts which affect our emotions…on and on (plus the inevitable branches like physical health, disease, etc).

I like the idea of marrying psychology and spirit, science and soul. That if I visualize and imagine a future I desire, let myself feel the emotion of that future right now, and teach my body what it would feel like to have it, that it might happen.

And whether it’s a result of high-vibe conscious-manifestation or the science of thoughts triggering genes to make proteins doesn’t matter so much to me anymore. If it works, it works. And right now, this is what I’m trying.

Today’s Tip: Build a Future to Fall in Love With

While it might feel counterintuitive to the function of presence, I’m going to invite you to focus on your future. There are many ways to do this, so choose one of the below that feels most aligned to you.

Once you’ve done one (or all) of the below, let the outcome go. Don’t worry about the how or steps to get there.

The idea is to create something to look forward to. Not something to plan for or make happen. This is simply about creating an internal feeling of anticipation, excitement, and delight.

Let the future be a visualization that you get to fall more in love with each day.

Make a vision board!
- You can do this the old school way by cutting out photos from magazines and making a collage or use Canva or Pinterest to pull images together. (I like to save the vision board as my desktop or phone background so I see it daily.)
- Choose images that strike your soul. They don’t have to be totally literal (for example if your dream future includes living on the beach, maybe a photo of toes in the sand represents that for you, while a birds eye picture of a house on the water represents it for someone else. Listen to your gut).
- Here’s my vision board on Pinterest to give you an idea: https://pin.it/2EYnGZh
Make a list!
- Write down a list of what a future you love might include.
- Be as specific and concrete as possible: set a time or date, as if this was a milestone or goal, and write down what will be present when that time comes.
- Think of it like a party you’re planning, and it includes a guest list, a venue, a theme, music, food, events, and more. Paint such a clear picture that you can visualize it.

Mantra: Hold the vision, trust the process.

Journaling Prompt (share in the comments!)

When I think about the dream future I’ve created, what emotions do I feel?
Where do I feel these emotions in my body?
How can I bring these feelings into my present life?
- (example: if the emotion I feel when thinking about my future is awe, I can bring that into my present life by genuinely being in awe of small things: saying “WOW, it’s amazing that my car turned on today with no issue!” it might feel silly, but the idea is that we are playing with adding emotions where they might not yet make sense).
When I notice myself stuck in emotions of the past, what’s a mantra I can use to bring me back to the present moment?

note: you’ll get a journaling prompt every week if you’re subscribed to The Full Mess. you’ll also get long-form journaling prompts once a month, so it might be nice to have a dedicated journal or document on your laptop for The Messy Middle.

Rach’s Recommendations

These are some things that are helping me stay connected to visualizing a new future, instead of being stuck in old programming. Some of these are more educational/informative (if you like scientific explanations like me) and others are practical to help you get into that present state.

Listen: Dr. Joe Dispenza--Transform Your Mind This is the podcast I mentioned above. I’ll re-iterate that I don’t love how he delivers his message (he often probes the audience to agree with him which feels manipulative). If you can put his delivery aside and focus on the content, it’s a helpful source of information.
Read: Why You Should do Affirmations in the Morning. This is the article I wrote about meditation, brainwaves, and understanding the subconscious from a scientific level.
Practice: Create Your Dream Life meditation by Emyrald Sinclaire on Insight App. This is on my Insight playlist with all my recommendations from this The Messy Middle.

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As always, I love the heck outta ya, & I’m so grateful you’re here.

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