Ways to collaborate, connect, and cultivate community with me in 2024

The Messy Middle is...entering a new middle. Here's what you can expect from this mental health meets human being space, and how to share your story with my audience (and meet more messy middlers).

Alright y’all, bringin back the *musical reading*, aka if you wanna listen to what I’m listening to while writing, Puh-Ress PLAY:

Dear Messy Fam Bam,

Hi. Woah. Ok. So. Like, it’s been a full for real whole year since I started my Substack, and that makes me feel simultaneously ill and proud.

When I started this publication, I had WILDLY different goals (in life/career/love/all the things) than I do today.

My goal when I started my Substack last year was based in metrics.

I’m a little ashamed of this, because it feels greedy and icky and selfish. And, it’s the truth.

I was coming from a place of deep scarcity and fear in my career, and Substack felt like a hail mary. I was also deeply depressed, suicidal, and relapsing in my eating disorder. I was operating from survival mode on all fronts, and that absolutely informed my raison d’etre both here, and everywhere.

So anyways, my goal was to have a certain number of paid subscribers/month by the end of 2023 (that number was 1,000. I have 59).

I COMPLETELY failed.

Not in the sense that I didn’t experience success, because I do believe the connections and readership I’ve built is a massive success.

I also successfully wrote about 50+ newsletters. That’s alot for a depressed perfectionist.

But I failed in the sense that my “metric” goals were not accomplished.

And in that “failure” comes an even BIGGER win: I learned that making goals based on numbers is a fruitless endeavor in the world of art and mental health. At least, for me.

ASIDE: It’s not that I don’t think people shouldn’t be paid for their art (I really think the writers on this platform deserve every penny y’all pay to subscribe to them, and we are ALL eternally grateful you opt for a paid subscription).

I also don’t believe having big goals of reaching many people isn’t noble. What a big imagination and dreamer one must be to want to support and inspire the masses! Go get ‘em tigers! Touch all the peeps! Be a Brene amongst us!

What I am SAYING, is that a metric-focused mission was a fruitless endeavor for me.

Because I, RACHEL, do NOT thrive artistically or vocationally when my purpose is data-driven. I thrive when my purpose is people-driven.

When I started writing in 2020, my purpose and mission was to make one person feel less alone. That was it. That drove and motivated me every single day. One single person. And I completely have lost touch with that, and I feel a responsibility to admit it.

I ADMIT: I totally lost it. I totally fell into the metrics. I totally got sucked into how much and how many, and it sucked. Yes I meant to say sucked twice and totally thrice. Suck it, totally.

So this year, things are going to change here, in The Messy Middle. Things are going to change everywhere.

In 2024, my goal is to do everything and anything that is community-oriented, people-centered, and anti-viral.

AKA: My focus is on YOU. The people already here. The people I already connect with.

I plan to return to an approach I took years ago that I’ve neglected and forgotten about, but was reminded of recently on a consult call: “The Dinner Party Approach”

EYOOOO, time for the next song, and yes it’s literally the same song but a different version because I’m a PSYCHOPATH and listen to the same song remixed for hours on end. Don’t ask me about the 1/2 marathon I ran in 2013 when I listened to 16 different versions of Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger” the entire time.

The Dinner Party Approach

This is a metaphor I’ve used with consulting clients in the past when they ask me about getting more followers on social media.

I tell them to think about their followers as people they’ve invited to a dinner party:

Let’s say I invite 12 people to dinner and only 10 come. Now let’s say the entire time, I am complaining about the two people who didn’t show. I keep checking my phone and saying “where are those other two people? Why didn’t they come?” My guests are probably going to leave feeling ignored and unappreciated, and chances are, some of them won’t come back if I do another dinner party.

Now imagine the same scenario, but the whole time I am present with the people who came to the party. I spend time with each person chatting and getting to know them. I express my gratitude when they leave. Chances are, they’ll come back, and they might even bring a friend.

I want to think of my Substack (and truly anywhere I show up online) as a dinner party: focus on the people who came, not the ones who didn’t.

So hi, dear readers. I am so grateful you came to my dinner party. I want to feed you and get to know you and make sure you know that it’s a gift to have you at my table.

if you’re feeling funzies (idk what that means but it sounds good) I’d love to know something random about you!!

---

What’s Changing Here, in “The Messy Middle”

Ok, so here’s the real reason you all came to read this brilliant piece, the major updates, the what’s to come, the MAJOR MESSY PIVOT!

Starting on January 22nd, 2024, The Messy Middle will pause it’s “seasonal” format.

*AUDIBLE GASP*

For all of 2023, I produced pieces inside four separate seasons. This was a wonderful way to have themes and a structure that allowed us to move through topics together, and I don’t regret it!

My personal life (therapy, lessons learned, dating as a divorced 34-year-old, ED recovery, etc) informed 99% of my pieces. This was vital, therapeutic, and what motivated me.

This year, I am less focused on my personal life as the vehicle for my writing.

Liz | Space Breathwork

wrote a brilliant piece last week about the burnout of writing about sharing her life on the internet. Highly recommend subscribing to her and reading the piece.

I don't want to share my life on the internet

Just like

Liz | Space Breathwork

writes, I long for more privacy and don’t have as much need or interest in sharing everything and anything in my life.

For this reason, The Messy Middle will shift in its content, structure, and format.

Photo by José Duarte on Unsplash

Here is what you can expect from The Messy Middle in 2024:

EEEEE I am actually V EXCITED AB ALL THIS!

WELP. Time for another version of the exact same song. PUHRESS PUHLAY:

Interviews and Podcasts:

I am on a MASSIVE mission this year to cultivate community, and the way I see that unfolding on Substack is shared storytelling.

Kathryn Vercillo

and

Kate Speer

inspire me DAILY to include interviews and podcasts in my Substack, and I’m finally ready to do so (definitely give them a subscribe for all things mental health, art, and intersectional living).

If you are someone who knows a thing or two (or three) about mental health, psychology, sociology, neurobiology, education, childhood development, or think you could add value to my audience’s experience, send me an e-mail for an interview below!

---

Newsletters:

My newsletters will remain ridiculously charming, inquisitively educational, and always brutally honest (cue

Alex Dobrenko`

for inspiring me to be more humorous and

Christina Nicole

for reminding me to filter less and trust more).

You can still expect stories from my life as someone in recovery, post-divorce, and embracing my humanity shame-free. You can also expect educational pieces like this one that include up to date research on topics like friendship-making, coping with life, and battling mental illness.

---

Mess Hall Chat:

The Mess Hall (or chat thread) is where you’ll get updates, check-ins, love notes, and invitations to private events, workshops, and ways to connect not just with me but others.

---

Zoom Gatherings

My goal in 2024 is to host AT LEAST one Zoom call per quarter to facilitate connection (like maybe a Poetry Hour?)

This might look like sharing our writing, learning a skill, or a guest host offering a service. Paid subscribers will automatically be able to join these for free. Free subscribers have the option to pay per gathering, or upgrade to join.

ALSO ALSO ALSO! The “Zoom Gatherings” are still “in utero” (is that how you say it oh god idk). MEANING, I would love to know what kinds of gatherings you’d like to participate in!

LMK IN LE COMMENTZ:

---

To access all of ze above, ye might consider shubshcribing

Wow, you’d think a lady with “M.Sc.” in her title would spell better.

But ye thought wrong.

Cuz knowing thingz doesn’t mean I stop being me. MWAH!

Ok back 2 bizness. If you want to access all of the fun thingz above, you’ll want to become a paid (OH MY GOD MONEY) subscriber.

Subscriptions are only $5/month (literally one coffee!) or $50/year (two months free!).

If you’re not sure The Messy Middle is for you, you can do a free trial of the paid version for 7 days! Just click the button below to give this community a test drive.

---

OK! That’s the update. That’s the tea. The scuttlebug. Oh man I should stop writing newsletters with a bottle of wine beside me.

XX
Rachel

P.S. if you’d like to connect on the socialz or listen to more songs on repeat, here are all the deets:

Instagram: www.instagram.com/rachel_havekost
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/rachelhavekost
Facebook: www.facebook.com/rachelhavekost
Spotify: my dance playlists!

K I LOVE YOU SEE YOU SOON BYE!!!!!!!

---

PS, Events, Trips, and In-Person Experiences With Rachel in 2024:

“Saturday Sabbatical” co-hosted by Rachel!

• February 10th, noon-4:30pm

• Woodinville Lavendar Farms (Greater Seattle Area)

• Take a short trip outside of Seattle for an interactive day of learning, connecting, moving, sauna and cold therapy.

“Recalibrate 2024” Rachel will be a keynote speaker at this wellness event!

• March 8th-9th

• Charlotte, NC

• A full-day experience designed to enlighten your perspective, transform your mindset, and invite you to tune in and take action.

“Bali Bound, BB” group trip to Bali hosted by Rachel!

• August 23-29th

• Bali, Indonesia

• 7 day group trip of exploration, culture, food, shopping, beachin’, yoga, and making new friends along the way.