What happens when we let go of control
plus a handful of HILARIOUS and absurd AI-generated images to spice up this newsletter, even if you don't read it I promise the visuals are worth it.
Welcome to week eight, season two of The Messy Middle.
Hi pretty humans! Some BRIEF housekeeping before the mess-making (if you wanna jump ahead to today’s juicy newsletter then feel free to scroll like the scroll-ho you iz until you see the headline, “HI SCROLL HO!”
HHUSSENG SHARIVIROIS!
June Journaling Prompts went live last Friday. This month’s prompts are all about gathering information and becoming an investigator of your life instead of impulse-decision-maker of your life.
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HI SCROLL HO!
Welcome to holy-fucking-shit our third month of season two de la MESSY MIDDLE. For you sweet n’ sexy souls just joining us, The Messy Middle is a publication dedicated to:
-stories of life un-figured out and unfinished
-a place to normalize human being, not doing
-tiny tips and wisdom from my 18+ years in therapy
-eXisT in the MeSsY mIdDle that is living.
no befores, no afters, just the messy middle.
👇🏽 learn about the messy middle below👇🏽
This season is all about accepting parts of self.
We started on April 3, so if you’re just joining us feel free to go back to week one and begin there. To access all the newsletters you’ll need to be a paid subscriber or sell your soul. If you choose to sell your soul, please sing “ahhAaaAHHH” until I’ve captured your voicebox in my shell necklace. If you choose paid subscription, just click the button below and your card will automatically get charged 5 dollhairs per month (that’s 5 dollars in english).
What’s messin’ around in today’s newsletter:
Last week I went full chaos mode and wrote about letting go of control, leaning into humor, and getting curious about taking life less seriously. Read that newsletter below👇🏽
Today, I’ll be diving into what has happened as a result of not taking life so seriously. Spoiler, I’m having more fun and I’m not so fucking stressed all the time.
How taking life less seriously is impacting mental health. Chaos brought on some pain. Giving less fucks also brought on some joy. So where is the middle ground?
Today’s Tip: I’ll offer a tool that you can start to apply this week.
Rachel’s Recommendations: Podcasts, dance songs, and books that feel relevant to this week’s learning.
Journaling Prompts: Some questions I’m asking post-no-serious.
How taking life less seriously is impacting my mental health
If you’ve been a reader of my work or a while, you’ll know I don’t shy away from the hard stuff. I have spent three and a half years writing about my depression, eating disorder, trauma, grief, divorce, suicidal thoughts…it’s been a lot of serious, and a lot of dark.
you can read more about my mental health in my memoir, where the river flows.
My ex husband once told me, “I’m worried that if you make your writing about your mental health, you’ll always have to be unwell, or you’ll have nothing to write about.” I let this become true, and in many ways this subconscious belief has informed alot of my best writing.
I fall apart, and I make art.
But what if I don’t have to be broken to create? What if something doesn’t have to die for something to be born?
Can’t life be the source of more life?
My therapist and I are in a deep state of observation.
We are observing what my life feels like and looks like when I let it be. Noticing what happens to my creative energy when I stay well. Paying attention to the strange voice in my head that whispers “the other shoe is going to drop” or the energetic pull I feel in my body to have a meltdown, because life can’t actually be this good.
A friend texted me today and asked how I was, and I said:
Life is good, because it’s alive. My life feels messy, but in a way where it feels lived in. Real. In practice. Full of trying and curiosity, and attempting to find the edges of how big living can get.
My priority, now, post-recovery and post-divorce, is my life.
Not my job, not my career, not my status. My life.
Choosing this means letting go of a lot of pressure I used to put on myself. Pressure to “live up to my potential.” Pressure to perform. Pressure to look a certain way or act a certain way (purity culture is cute). When I relieve this pressure I increase flexibility. When I remove the rigid attitude I placed on my life I find more freedom. When my expectations aren’t met or I meet unexpected change, I adapt.
In turn, a life taken less seriously has provided me with more ease, peace, and joy. And while I have new fears about being responsible or accountable, I trust that I will find a balance in time. That this is what I’m meant to learn now after many seasons of dark and serious. That it’s ok to find a little light and relaxation.
Today’s Tip: What are you taking too seriously?
Chances are there is something you’re holding onto. Or perhaps deeply focused on. Or maybe having some black and white thinking around (not sure what black and white thinking is? I gotta whole ass blog post on my website about that.
We can get attached to what we care about—it’s normal. It’s a survival thang.
Hunt some good food? Don’t let anyone take it! Find a sick shelter spot? Don’t let anyone else find it! Meet a stellar mate? Don’t let anyone in their DMs! Still, the over-attachment breeds anxiety and puts us in a state of over-control where we’re no longer really enjoying or respecting what’s going well.
In case you didn’t get my first Little Mermaid reference in the housekeeping, here’s another one!
Y’all I saw the new LM flick last weekend and MY WHOLE HEART!! Must see.
Ok, the analogy: King Triton doesn’t let Ariel do shit. She can’t leave the ocean or hang with humans, because he’s “protecting her.” I leaned over to my friend after he smashed all her treasures and whispered, “when someone tells you ‘I’m protecting you and it’s for your own good,’ it’s really self-protection. It’s self-protection from the pain they might feel if something happens to the person they love.”
Controlling our lives or the people in them to such an extreme isn’t love, it’s self-preservation. It’s survival. But when what we’re controlling is no longer a means to us staying alive, it simply causes suffering. So I’m asking you to get honest about what you’re holding onto for dear life that if you let go of, wouldn’t end it.
Journaling Prompts (share in the comments!)
What am I holding onto?
What areas of my life do I feel I have to control more?
What areas of my life do I feel fine having less control over? What do I think the reason is?
What is one thing I can find more flexibility with?
Rachel’s Recommendations
Podcast/Talk: The Illusion of Control. I’ve recommended this before, but it’s fave from Gangaji about control Listen Here (31 minutes)
Song: I Release Control. I come back to this chant repeatedly when I need to let go. This is also on my morning meditation playlist, I create lots of playlists on my Spotify so be sure to come follow me! Listen Here
CRN’RAL CONTRET!
If you found this newsletter adorable share the cuteness! If it was a total nightmare, let everyone you know suffer too!
All my love,
Rachel
You can read chapter one of my book free here, it’s totally self-absorbed and no I am not overreacting to the one bad review it has on amazon.
Download my free guided journals here for more cute prompts that will take your breath away.
Take my Writing Masterclass here and you too can learn to write terrible newsletters like this.
Check out my merch here because I somehow thought making sweatshirts in the summer was a good business plan.
Are we the same person? This is getting legit creepy.