Season Three: Showing Up Authentically

But not like in a perfectly curated version of authentic and more like in a chaotic realistic version of being whoever the fuck you were before they said "KNOCK IT OFF WEIRDO"

Hi Pretty Humans,

Welcome to week one, season THREE of The Messy Middle!!!

If you’re new here, feel free to bop back to Season One and check out the archive.

I am so incredibly grateful to you for your readership. I started my Substack in January, and there are now 1,000+ of you here, and 103 of you are paid subscribers. THANK YOU.

If you are not yet a paid subscriber, I will do my very best to convince you that contributing five dollhairs per month is entirely worthwhile, while also affirming that whether you have a paid subscription or not, I AM GLAD YOU ARE HERE.

Should you need no convincing because perhaps you are feeling benevolent or have 20 extra quarters lying around from the days when you used to hit the slots I mean candy shop, here is a fun button to press that will subscribe you but sadly make no fun spinning sounds or satisfying dings:

🍬If you do need convincing, stick around and perhaps you’ll be rewarded with jelly beans and a paid subscription by the end of this newsletter.

Time to introduce the theme of SEASON THREE….DRUMROLL PLEASE 🥁🥁🥁

I asked, you answered, I listened, hopefully you’ll be pleased, please don’t be mad if the theme isn’t the one you voted for, this sentence is now too long but it seemed odd to add another header so soon after the one above so I am filling space and time with nonsense.

The theme of season three is…

The theme of Season Three is: Showing Up Authentically: what happens in life when you just ✨BE YOU✨

The last several months have been a deep dive into being UBER me. To the point where I wonder how I ever functioned (oh yeah, I didn’t!) before I let 100% of Rachel shine through.

Showing up as ME has looked like many things:

• Writing with more humor/sarcasm (as evidenced in my chaotic debut here)

• Posting dumb shit on instagram instead of perfectly curating my content (also I just got threads and its absolute debauchery over there)

• Allowing myself to be my flirty, vivacious, wild self without shame

• Embracing my kinky side and giving myself permission not only to explore my erotic world but feel safe disclosing those parts of me in safe spaces

• Asking questions out of curiosity instead of people-pleasing

• Saying “no” when something isn’t in my interest

• Drinking with friends and being fucking ridiculous and silly

• Wearing clothes I feel fucking bootiful in instead of what I think is trendy/cool (currently obsessed with oversized cargo pants with a stretchy waistband, cos hello, FRIES)

And lots more (which I plan to share over the next 10 weeks.)

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What you can expect on this season of The Messy Middle:

This season, you can expect:

Levity, humor, and a heavy dose of crass.

When I started writing in 2020 my mission was to make one person feel less alone. I was fresh out of my divorce, heavily relapsed in my eating disorder, seeped in grief, and immensely tender.

My writing reflected that: I wrote about my grief, about depression, about loss, insecurity, doubt, and the spirals that came fast and drowned me under the weight of my own thoughts countless times.

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📚read more about my divorce and mental health in my memoir, “where the river flows.”

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The stories I told were always true, always transparent, and always tickling the edge of what was taboo in an effort to normalize naming our dark and scary. I wanted to cross the boundary of what was socially acceptable and question whether “acceptable” needed to apply to our humanity.

Since then, my writing has evolved because I have. My work will always reflect my reality, and, my reality has shifted—as it should, as it does. What you read from me will remain true, transparent, and taboo-tickled.

Now, I’m in a season of life where joy and silliness prevail. Grief has finally left me, and I’m standing in a field of daisies and weeds, completely ok with stepping on dog shit here and there because at least it’s sunny above me. Life is rich with all of it, and I’m basking in the wild weirdness of it all.

Stories of general debauchery and hope that you, too, can one day be basic like me.

I used to dream of being perfect. Now I dream of being alive.

While I still want to offer you hope, the vehicle for sharing that hope with you might look a little different. I used to offer hope in soft stories and whimsical musings: like ballads or harmonic hymns, I hoped to inspire you gently, because I imagined the space you might be in required a tender hand.

I still want to offer you hope. And, the delivery might feel a little different. Because now the hope I want to offer you is not solely rooted in finding a life outside the darkest of caves, but building a life once you get outside. Hope that once you exit, there is still more to come—that “healing” doesn’t have an ending because there’s nothing to heal, only life to live.

Sometimes healing is less about altering what isn’t working and more about adding what’s missing. Saying yes to experiences with new people. Trying on different personalities or hobbies. Being open to life as a beginner and making big mistakes. Remembering over and over that feeling anxiety or sorrow or loneliness doesn’t make us ill, it makes us human.

I’ve learned this and more over the last year, and I hope to share these discoveries with you.

What’s always included in The Messy Middle

As always, you’ll find the following inclusions every week with The Messy Middle:

1. Stories relevant to the theme/my brain on that current day

2. Journaling prompts weekly to reflect on the weekly story

3. Tips + tricks surrounding the theme to give you actionable shtuff to do if you’re a do-er

4. Rach’s recommendations (podcasts, further reading, music, videos) take them or leave them I’ll truly never know.

5. Mess Hall community chat! I post sporadically in there with little check-ins, affirmations, dumb prompts, photos of Milo, brain farts…you name it. Join us there for some connection and a little dose of joy off the ‘gram!

6. Monthly journaling prompts. These are available only to paid subscribers (which is only $5/month). I post monthly prompts (like, a LOT you could write a book with each month’s prompts lol) and July’s will be coming this week, so make sure you SHUBSHSCRIBE to get access!

👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

Today’s Journaling Prompts: answer in the comments! (yes community wellness! yes connection! yes differences and growth edges!)

Today’s prompts will help you build insight on how perhaps you haven’t been fully showing up as YOU in life (NO SHAME BAE! This is not meant to show where you’ve been “doing it wrong.” It’s merely a way to reflect and build some awareness.)

1. Make a list of all the parts of yourself you’re aware of (don’t worry about whether you show up as those parts or not, or whether they’re “good/bad”, or if they’re qualities you like or not— we want to include as MANY as we can). For example, you might write “silly” “good friend” “kinky” “wild” “jealous” “hot dog lover”.

2. On a blank piece of paper, draw a circle. Inside that circle, you’re going to put down these parts of self and cluster them in three sections:

   1. “always comfortable being these parts of myself"

   2. “sometimes comfortable being these parts of myself"

   3. “never being these parts of myself"

here is a little example for my visual babes

1. Draw lines between the sections to make a pie chart of sorts so that you can see what “percentage” of you is always comfortable, sometimes, and never.

2. Reflect on each section asking the following questions:

   1. Who am I around when I feel always comfortable? Sometimes? Never?

   2. What is it about these people that makes me feel comfortable/not comfortable?

   3. What are my fears about being the parts of myself I’m never comfortable being?

   4. What judgments or criticisms do I have about these parts of myself?

3. Ask yourself what is one step you can take towards inviting a “never” part into the “sometimes” part, or for a more gentle step, a part from the “sometimes” into the “always.”

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I love you little messy gremlins.

I am so eternally grateful you are here. Without you my writing means nothing, and you keep me going. I could not be here today if it weren’t for your support, readership, and shared vulnerability. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Here’s to season three of The Messy Middle—may it be even messier, wilder, and uncertain.

All my messy love,
Rach

• You can read chapter one of my book free here.

• Download my free guided journals here.

• Take my Writing Masterclass here.

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Take your time reading the archive once it’s unlocked in your trial and see if the Full Mess is for you. Whether it is or not, know that I fully love your mess, and am so glad you’re here.